Let me introduce myself. My pen name is Anniekenz. I have written on and off before on here. I like long walks on the beach and ice cream. I am a full time university student that also works. You will get to know more about me later, but for now let's get to the chat.
So today I wanna discuss a situation that I am sure all of you can relate to, being tired. But I am not just talking about physical tiredness. I am talking about tired in every sense of the word. Tired emotionally, physically, and mentally. Yet, no matter how much you sleep it can't fix the problem. I am a very social person, but I am at this point in my life where I just don't want to indulge negative behaviors in people. There is something I neglected in the past and that is those friends that will never get upset or shaken over me not wanting to hang out or talk on the phone. I didn't use to like talking on the phone much nor did I like texting. However, due to some raised concerns I changed. But after several years of keeping up with all this I am tired. And this might all be due to COVID19 taking a toll on people's lives, but the point remains that I am not as happy as I used to be. There is a lot more that plays a role here, but the main point is the expectation to always call people or text people when I know so many people (I have a big family and quite a bit of friends) is just too much. It is now a burden on my soul. People have nothing better to do since they are stuck inside due to the pandemic and they all want to socialize. I love to socialize so don't get me wrong, but I love being alone a lot more. The privilege that comes with having a moment to breathe and reflect to oneself is one that I hold dear. But not many people understand that that it is possible for you to be an extrovert and an introvert at the same time. My social meter is very short. Once I am home it is over. I am more of a morning person so as soon as 3pm hits my social meter has already started to go down. By 9pm I am just ready for bed. This all makes me feel so bad for the people around me that cannot understand. It is not that I don't like you. I have so much to do with school and work and personal activities and that alone drains my energy to the lowest percentage. Like am I the only person who feels this way? That cannot be true. For there must be thousands of other people who are just like me. An extrovert and introvert combination, like cafe con leche if you will. I will not feel sorry for taking care of myself. If I have to study then that takes priority. You cannot as a friend of mine look me in the eye and tell me to overlook my work for some good time when studying is more important than having pink moscato at Moe's Tavern. I value myself enough to know that my future is dependent on me passing my courses. And let me tell you something if you are paying out of pocket for classes the money that you pay for your classes hits different. To look at your paycheck go into paying for school instead of going out and spending money is not easy. I say all this to say I am tired. I am tired. I am tired. I just wanna take a nap at the beach all day, but I can't because I got 'SpOnSeRbErLeRiES. So that means I cannot be selfish. The better word to use here would be refuse. I refuse to be selfish.
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