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Somewhere along the way I dropped something. I can't remember what it is. I don't even remember the exact time. But for sure I dropped something. I wish I were told when I did. But who else can I blame but myself. In a world full with pretense that everything is okay, being the the bleeding pen doesn't hurt as bad. Spilling ink as if there was an unlimited source of ink. Spilling like there is no tomorrow. The color looks so beautiful as the sunlight hits the ink. It feels good to feel something other than pure bliss and the occasional frustration. It feels like I am alive. I have fallen off cloud nine only to be met by broken glass. I didn't see it coming. It hurts a little, maybe a lot.  It felt like a sting. No, more like the reaper somehow took a piece of my heart. I whisper to myself, I will be okay. I have to be, because a broken heart could be my demise.

I have had to babysit many kids for many years and what I realize is that each child is of course different. The most recent child is a 2 years old boy. He is so adorable but so are every other kid, right. He loves to play but he is an only child. So sometimes I take the time out to play with him. It gets so tiring and that's how I know I am getting old. He was sick today and all of the sudden I was so sad. I didn't know what to do. He just had a cold, so why was I so sad? I started to think about myself and if I were to have a child. How would I feel if my child were sick? They are so cute when they're happy. Keeping them happy is such a big priority. A child is huge responsibility. I start to think about all those kids who feel unloved by their parents. Why is it possible for a parent not to love their own child? What brings them so far from love?

As the saying goes, luck is when preparation meets opportunity. Let's analyze. Preparation can be described as training or development. Are you training? Are you building yourself? For some reason it seems to be hard for people to grasp the fact that they have to work hard to get what they want in life. While you go out partying with "Susie"every night, Susie is getting home late after partying to study and work hard. She will go to bed at 4 a.m. working hard while you will go to bed at 4 a.m. because you are up watching Netflix. Don't let Susie hinder you from your success because Susie will never tell you that she has to work hard to get what she wants. Susie herself doesn't believe she is working hard enough. Susie thinks her success is luck but if you knew it all you would understand that Susie's success is based solely on hard-work. "If  a man will not work, he shall not eat."

Go to college they said. It will bring you success in life. Go to college they said. It will be your stepping stone. Go to college he say, she say, they say, we all say... life will get better. What they don't tell you is that we live in a different day and age.  Shit happens you know. One day the sun is looking down at you and the next you are looking for your flashlight.  No guide. No help. No leader. Just cruising on.  Who ever said life would be so easy definitely lied.  Is it too late to look for your passion.  What am I passionate about? To be honest I am not passionate about anything except for having my own happy family. You know what I want in life? To be happy, okay. Now is that so wrong. Everyone I know wants to be a doctor or a nurse.  But what if I want a life full with possibilities and room to move around.  She whispers in my ear.  A familiar sound you know. I have heard it once before. A sound of peace...

It seems that one day it came. Then one day it left. It seems that one day it was. Then one day it wasn't. I would love to pretend. But I feel. I felt. It seems that I was on cloud 9. It seems that life was good. There was no way for it to go sour. It went sour alright. Still hoping for skittles and Hershey's. Still hoping for a pot of gold. Hair filled with glitter. Red kitty heels. Follow the yellow brick road they say. Unto the yellow brick road I go. Step by step I go. They say one day, if I do it right, I will reach the end of the rainbow. I don't see a rainbow. Have faith they say. So I follow blindly. Life is good when you have faith. On to the yellow brick road I go. Left, right, left, right, left, right, ...

She doesn't have time on her side. She thought she did. She knows she is on her own for no one can help a lost soul. One more strike and she is out. You can't feel any pity for her for she is unworthy. Unworthy of love. Unworthy of beauty. Unworthy of friendship. A kind soul once she was. Someone everyone desired to be. She has been drowning lately. Drowning deep beneath her shut eyelids. She can do nothing but dream now. For that is all she has. Her own subconscious. From time to time she calls out to her guardian, she wishes there was a god somewhere in this vast universe. She is lost soul. She might need saving but she is on her own and she knows that. For this last time she breathes. She accepts her fate. She is a lost soul. So broken that she cannot be repaired. She wishes there was god. For if there was a God, she would be saved. She falters again. Not surprising. She has been falling for a while now.  "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceasele...